


Colors

by queen_of_rad



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Depression, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Scientist!Yuuri, Victor and Yuri are siblings, agender!Yuri, based on a halsey song, genderfluid!Phichit, like super minor, non-graphic descriptions of sexual situations, pov switching, sorta musician au, this was a little darker than I thought it was going to be, will update tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-10-22 17:38:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10701858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_of_rad/pseuds/queen_of_rad
Summary: Yuuri is a successful scientist working his dream job, but something important is missing in his life. He's tired of the loneliness that comes with being the only single person in a friend group. He already knows that he isn't exactly a catch, he just wants someone to love him anyway.Victor is a musician in a band with his little sibling Yuri. At first, everything was going well, his band made it big and he gets to watch Yuri be themself without the danger that comes from being different and poor. Then Victor started spiraling. He just needs a bit of help finding his way back out of the dark.-OR-A look at Victuuri through the lens of addiction, music, recovery, and love.





	1. Of Coffee Shops and Chance Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The POV changes with the bold lyrics. I hope it isn't too confusing.

**_Your little sibling never tells you but they love you so_ **

 

It’s terribly early on a Wednesday morning and it does not help that Yuuri’s head feels as if it’s been hit by a freight train and all he wants to do is nap. He hasn’t had a proper sleep for nearly two weeks running through lab reports trying to figure out exactly what went wrong during the new drug trials. It was a bit more frustrating than he would’ve liked. Unfortunately for Yuuri, he has a mountain of reports he needs to look back over before he even goes to work for the day. He has only been sitting in his favorite cafe long enough to get settled at his table before two people decide to have an argument right outside Yuuri’s window. Although to be fair, calling it an argument was a bit of an overstatement. In reality, the younger blond is just yelling at their silver haired companion while the other just stares in response contributing very little to the conversation.

At first, he tries to ignore the pair of arguing strangers in favor of working diligently at his table while his order is being made. Yet because this week cannot get any worse for Yuuri, fate has bestowed a gift upon him. The pair has apparently figured out that a public sidewalk was not an appropriate place for them to argue, but that the interior of the cafe instead is perfect. The angry blond evidently has little regard for the fact that they have now entered an enclosed space considering the fact that they continue to shout at their companion. Yuuri sighs, immediately regretting his decision to have his food here instead of just dragging out the coffee maker and working from home. Maybe he should just get his breakfast to go. He glances over to ask Guang Hong to change his order only to see that the sweet little barista has already poured his coffee into a mug, gathered his breakfast onto a tray, and is on his way over.

By the time the food reaches Yuuri’s table he has accepted his fate. He will likely get little to no actual work done before he goes into the labs this morning. However, he can’t find it in himself to be too upset.  He’s gone through the reports several times already and it’s not like the answer to his problem is going to present itself in a cafe. He pushes the papers and his laptop to the side while and begins to eat. Yuuri finds himself watching the two vaguely familiar strangers while he eats. He’s well aware that he’s staring but he can’t find it in himself to care enough to tear his eyes away. He’s exhausted and if anything they have been inconsiderate enough. If they can be rude, so can he _._

The longer he watches the two argue the more he starts thinking that maybe the angry blond isn’t actually angry. If anything, he seems concerned even a bit scared. He begins to wonder why they’re fighting. It’s then that he realizes that although they’ve been shouting he literally has not understood a word they were saying. Yuuri leans slightly forward attempting to at least figure what language they’re speaking. At his movement, the blond looks over catching Yuuri staring at them and shouts in lightly accented English, “God, what the fuck are you looking at, pig?”

At first Yuuri is shocked, _why would someone insult a complete stranger? I mean yeah, it’s New York but the people here aren’t savages._ Apparently, the blond interprets Yuuri’s silence as a concession and whips back around with a huff. The shouting causes the silver haired man to finally glance up and see what riled his companion up. He locks eyes with Yuuri and, _Wow he’s gorgeous. He looks like he’s slept even less than I have and yet he still looks like a model,_ Yuuri squints _. Seriously, who gave him the right?_

“A commemorative photo? Sure.”A deep voice pulls Yuuri out of his head. Did he really just ask for a photo? In lieu of a response, Yuuri glances at his watch and immediately panics. He has to be at the labs in 20 minutes and the subway waits for no man. He rushes to gather his things and sprints out the door calling out a brief farewell to Guang Hong. It’s not until Yuuri is halfway to the station that he realizes that he just met the lead singer and guitarist of his all time favorite band _. Shit._

 

**_You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope_ **

 

At first Victor thinks the breakfast he was so rudely woken up for was going to be a quiet affair, maybe some nice sibling bonding to start the day. However, that thought flies out the window the second he and Yuri get dressed for the day and pile into his car. He realizes a bit too late that maybe they should’ve called a cab because Yuri is going to have a fit the minute they see the fine white residue coating the passenger side dashboard and the dime bags littering the floor. He briefly curses at his past self. He was so high that night that he didn’t even think about cleaning the car he was busy doing other...things. Victor’s prediction turned out to be correct when as he’s starting the car he hears the car door being closed followed by the sharp intake of breath coming from his right.

Victor braces himself for the expected half sincere lecture that so often comes when Yuri catches him with his drug of choice. What he does not expect is the shaky inhalation of breath and the quiet question sent his way in the silence of the car.

“Were you alone?”

At first Victor doesn’t understand why they would even ask him that. Literally why would it matter if he was with someone? Then it dawns on him, Yuri must be worried about someone finding out about Victor’s little habit and telling the press.

“It was just me and Sergio like usual.” Victor smiles wryly, “Don’t you worry your pretty little head, the band’s reputation is safe. You know I’ve always been discreet.” Victor expects the sharp burst of anger that is so characteristic of his little Yuri. What he gets is a tense silence. Honestly, Victor is happy for the silence. He really doesn’t want to deal with Yuri’s shit right now. He’s had a tough night trying to write through his creative block. Unfortunately for Victor, Yuri’s silence only lasts until they pull up to the nearest cafe. After they’ve exited the vehicle Victor almost trips while trying to get on the sidewalk. Yuri explodes. “Why do you keep doing this? I’m so fucking sick of having to check your room 50 times a night just to see if you’re still breathing. I’m tired of waiting up all goddamn night waiting to see if you’re even going to come home. I haven’t slept in weeks. Victor I don’t want to-, no, I can’t keep-”

“Well, no one is asking you to.” Victor cheerfully interrupts them. He’s not asking Yuri to act that way, he doesn’t need a babysitter. Hell, he’s _older_ than Yuri. Victor takes Yuri’s stunned silence as his cue to finally step inside the cafe and get some goddamn food. Like many things in Victor’s life, Yuri’s silence did not last long. “Why are you acting like this is okay? How can you just sit here and pretend that I’m _overreacting?_  It hasn’t even been an entire year since you almost fucking _died._ ” Yuri’s voice gets progressively louder and higher as they near the end of their rant, “We had to pretend that you were recovering from the goddamn flu for weeks while you were in the fucking hospital for an overdose, Victor.”

Victor just watches as Yuri gets more and more irritated. As Victor was beginning to question them, they whip around to shout at a man in English, “God, what the fuck are you looking at, pig?”

Victor sighs and turns to see who his darling little sibling just yelled at. To his credit, the man only looks shocked and mildly curious at the outburst, but ultimately opts to stay silent. Yuri clearly takes the lack of response as their victory. They turn back to Victor as fast as they turned to the man mumbling something under their breath about Americans being so goddamn nosy. Victor releases another sigh. It’s probably best to do some damage control. For all he knows the man could just be a fan of the band and Victor really doesn’t want Yuri’s outburst to cost them another fan or worse, a scandal. Night Daze has had some trouble in the past due to Yuri’s special brand of charm. As Victor turns to face the man he pastes on his most dazzling smile and artfully adds a pretty spectacular hair flip if he says so himself. Hell, maybe he chose the wrong career path. He’d probably make a killing on the big screen.

“A commemorative photo? Sure.” He casually adds a wink at the end of his sentence. The man does not seem to be a fan because he squints at Victor curiously before just ignoring him and glancing down at his watch. The calm, curious aura that previously surrounded him vanishes in an instant and the next thing Victor knows the man is rushing to pack his things and pushing past them to run out the door with a shout to the barista.

Yuri does not take kindly to being shoved and has to pause to take a deep breath visibly trying to calm down. During their odd interaction with the man the couple in front of them has already placed their order and left for a table. The barista greets them cheerfully and invites them to place their order. After they order Yuri and Victor sit at a small, secluded table in the back corner while they wait. Victor looks out the window to his left and watches the people walk by. He begins to wonder whether any of them even know that he’s there watching. Every person that walks by has their own worries, job, maybe even kids. Everyone that passes has their own life. He wonders if any of them feel as detached to the world around them as he does. Do any of them just feel like a player in the world’s play? Do they ever feel like they’re just watching themselves go about their days having no say in what happens, in what they do? He wonders if they feel as gray as he does. There’s a brief silence in his head which uses to Victor watch Yuri through the reflection on the remarkably clean window. Yuri looks paler than they have in years. Victor almost feels bad for being the cause of that. But he is a selfish man. He won’t give it. He doesn’t even know if he can. Yuri locks eyes with him in the reflection. For a moment they look as if they might cry. The moment ends when Yuri peaks again.

“You’re right,” Before Victor has the chance to ask what they’re talking about Yuri continues, “nobody asked me to look after you, but nobody ever asked you to become a fucking _addict._ ” Victor is stunned silent. After a beat Yuri goes on their voice wavering slightly, “Victor, this has to stop. I don’t think I can handle it anymore.”

Silently, Victor nods. He understands that can’t continue to put his bandmates through this. He can see what he’s doing to his darling Yuri. He can keep hurting himself and his future in the band, he doesn’t care about that, but he sure as hell can’t keep hurting _Yuri._  Yuri is all he has, his everything. They’re the only reason he’s still here. But he also can’t give up the only thing that makes him feel. He’ll just have to be more careful from now on. After all he can no longer afford a slip up.

 

**_I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old_ **

 

Relief immediately floods every cell of Yuri’s body at the sight of Victor’s silent nodding. To be honest they were expecting yet another fight. They’re always fighting lately. They’ve always been close Yuri doesn’t even know how they got to this point, but all of sudden Victor can barely be in the same room as him for a few minutes before he running to his room without a word. The last few years they’ve felt powerless, unable to do anything but watch as Victor spirals downward. Nobody knew why it happened just that it got exponentially worse after last February. Victor started coming home later and later before he eventually stopped coming home at all. Then came the excessive drug use. Yuri barely recognized their big brother. They’ve never seen Victor so unkempt. He barely showered even stopped shaving for a while. Until he meets Sergio and the old Victor started briefly showing through, that is until Yuri came into his room to chase one of the cats out. Yuri opened the door and started looking for Vega when they locked eyes with their brother as he did a line on the dresser. That night was the loudest, angriest fight they’ve ever had. Since that night Yuri was careful to always knock before entering Victor’s room, until the night Victor almost died.

They never told Victor that Yuri was the one that found him. Chris, the band’s drummer and Victor’s best friend, didn’t understand why and kept arguing about it until Otabek stepped up and offered to say that he was the one that found him. Victor still gets awkward around him and generally tries to avoid him, but Otabek says he doesn’t mind. He did it for Yuri’s sake. Otabek could take the space, he always said that he preferred the company of the younger sibling anyway.

But sometimes when Yuri looks at Victor they can still see him writhing on his bedroom floor in a pool of his own vomit. When Yuri first found him they froze unable to connect what was happening in front of their eyes with a proper response. They couldn’t will their feet to move, they felt like they were in one of those dreams that no matter how hard you try you just can’t _move._  It wasn’t until a particularly violent shake emanated from the man on the floor that Yuri sprung into action. They quickly turned him onto his side praying that he wouldn’t choke and felt around in their pockets for their phone. After a panicked 911 call Yuri waited what felt like years for an ambulance to come. They sat on the floor with Victor’s head in their lap gently wiping the silver strands from the sweat soaked forehead they were so determined to keep clinging to.

As they waited for help to come, Yuri prayed to any and every god that would listen, _please don’t take him away. He’s all I have I can’t lose him, please._


	2. Of Boring Parties and Second Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the not quite banquet scene. I was vague on purpose for reasons that will come later.
> 
> Also the ball that is mentioned in here is actually a real thing hosted by the ASPCA to raise money. I'm not sure exactly how fancy or even if they have an after party of sorts but, eh, artistic license I guess.
> 
> Enjoy :)

**_You’re dripping like a saturated sunrise_ **

Yuuri is sitting at his desk poring over a document detailing the relatively erratic success rate of an antibiotic against a new species of bacteria. Yuuri glances up when he hears the soft padding of feet towards his desk, and he’s met with the most lethal set of puppy eyes the world has ever seen. Before Phichit even says a word he can already feel his resolve breaking.

“Yuuri~”

Yuuri is already nervous as he asks, “Yes, Phichit?”

“Would you accompany me to the Bergh Ball tonight? Pretty please”

Yep, there it is. Yuuri shifts uncomfortably hoping to get out of it, “What happened to Seung gil?”

“Yuuuuuuri! How could you forget? He and Sunja are leaving tonight for her dog show tomorrow!!”

“Ah, I forgot” Yuuri admits with a cringe. “They’re going to air the program on TV still, right?”

Phichit nods excitedly, “Leo and Guang Hong are already planning a viewing party. I hope you don’t mind but I kinda already said you would come with us.”

Yuuri nods. “That’s fine. I was planning to watch it anyway.”

At his response, Phichit beams. “Great! Since that’s settled, you’ll come with me to the ball right?”

She is met with a wince. “Phichit-”

“Yuuri. It is for charity. Think about all those poor animals that need rescuing.” Her puppy eyes fade into to mischief. “Don’t make me play the commercial. You _know_ I will.”

Yuuri flinches. It’s something about the puppies and that heart wrenching Sarah McLachlan song in the background that just slays him. Those commercials have never failed to make him cry and every time it comes on Yuuri finds himself in tears and significantly poorer. God, even thinking about it has him itching for his wallet. “Alright, alright. I guess I could use a break…”

“Great! The event starts in about 3 hours, so you better take a shower while I pick out your clothes.”

“Phichit!”

 

* * *

 

By the time they are dressed and in the car, Yuuri has already worked himself into a fit. _What kind of people will be there? Oh god, how many people will be there? Too many, probably. Oh well, nothing can be done I’ll just tell Phichit that we have to turn around. I’m sure she’ll-_

“We’re here,” Phichit cheerfully interrupts his thoughts as their driver opens her door. She gets more excited as she exits the vehicle and continues chatting to Yuuri, “Ah man, this is going to be awesome! You know, I heard all of Night Daze is going to be here this year.” She freezes midstep. “We could meet Victor Nikiforov. He’s your favorite, right?”

He’s still frazzled from almost crashing into her that he took a little longer than he would like to admit to process what she said. “Wait, what? You never told me that they would be here!”

“Oops, sorry. Did I forget to tell you?” She didn’t sound apologetic in the least. “Oh come on, Yuuri. You know you wouldn’t have come if I told you. Plus, you _love_ them I hoped you would at least be a little happy. Most people would kill to be at the same party as their favorite band.”

“It’s not that I’m unhappy, it’s just that I’ve been so busy at the labs that I haven’t really been taking care of myself. I think I’ve only slept a total of 16 hours this week and I know I look terrible. Phichit, my eye bags are so prominent, they’re basically designer,” Yuuri ends in a huff. He’s not upset at her really, he hasn’t really been forthcoming about the struggles he’s been having with the T17 treatment. To be fair though, if he were to talk to anyone in Fleur Cannon about it he would talk to Seung gil, simply because he also graduated from the University of Michigan with a degree in microbiology. That’s not to say that he thinks Phichit’s degree in musical performance is any lesser. If anything, Yuuri is well aware of how hard she had to work for her degree. Phichit probably spent the same number of nights awake, if not more, studying and practicing with him and Seung gil.

He’s pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Phichit cackling like a maniac. “Designer bags, god that has to go on Twitter.” He watches as Phichit’s fingers fly across her phone giggling to herself the whole time.

Yuuri can feel himself starting to flush. “It’s not that funny,” he mumbles. She giggles harder, saying nothing. Yuuri’s mouth pulls up into a smile as he watches his best friend laughing. Phichit’s smile is like the sun, bright and blinding. She’s so warm and bright, that Yuuri would do anything to keep that smile on her face. It’s times like this, when she’s laughing without restraint, that Yuuri can see how easy it was for Seung gil to fall for her. An uncomfortable burst of jealousy burrows deep in his chest. He would give anything to have someone feel that way about him. But honestly, why would anybody want to be in a relationship with someone like him? He’s stubborn, needy, sometimes rude, and he gains weight easily. He’s not even attractive. While he’s not ugly, he isn’t beautiful either. He is average in every way except for his intelligence, which he considers that to be his best and only redeeming quality. Hell, Yuuri wouldn’t even want to date Yuuri.

Yuuri jumps as he feels a slight twinge on his forehead. “What-”

Phichit interrupts him immediately. “I can see you doubting yourself Yuuri. I don’t know what it’s about but you should know that you are beautiful in every way. You are the best friend I could ever ask for, so you better not start feeling like any less than the fantastic person I know you are.”

Yuuri smiles slightly, a blush high on his cheeks. He knows he should listen to Phichit. She’s his best friend and is, according to her anyway, always right. Unfortunately, the damage is already done and Yuuri’s brain doesn’t listen to anyone. All he wants to do now is get trashed, play with some puppies, and desperately try to forget how lonely he feels.

 

* * *

 

As soon as they step into the room Yuuri is overwhelmed. Everywhere he looks there are people in suits and dresses covering every square foot of the huge room. Thankfully he allowed Phichit to dress him in his good black suit with a burgundy vest and tie. While Yuuri prides himself on his intelligence, the same cannot be said for his fashion sense. It’s not that he’s a stranger to black tie events, it’s just not really his thing. Phichit on the other hand, this is where she thrives. She looks stunning in a lace covered, form fitting, floor length dress with a pink diamond bracelet that signals to Yuuri that he needs to use she/her pronouns.

The ceremony itself wasn’t all that great. There were a lot of celebrities and community leaders there to raise money for the ASPCA. The organization rose just north of $1.4 million which, while it makes Yuuri very happy for the animals, he just does not care about who spent the most money. He entered the place with a plan to get drunk and pet puppies and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least get to do one of those things.

Phichit nudges Yuuri out of a light sleep when the official ceremony is over and proceeds to guide him from their table into the ballroom for the official party half of the event. She gets pulled into a conversation almost the second they step through the entry. Eventually Yuuri gets bored of waiting and starts to fidget uncomfortably just waiting for Phichit to finish her conversation. The fates, however, decide to throw the man a bone by granting one of his wishes. As a waiter walks by with a tray of champagne, Yuuri grabs on and downs it. He is a man on a mission and nothing short of a hurricane can stop him from drowning his woes in booze and puppies.

He’s about 3 flutes in and pleasantly buzzed when he notices a commotion at the entrance to the ballroom. He glances toward the door and watches as the lead singer of his favorite band enters the room with a flurry of camera flashes and shouted questions. The rest of Night Daze continues into the room and melts into the crowd leaving their front man to deal with the mob of people. He is still watching as Victor begins walking away from the crowd looking around the room presumably to find his band, but he ends up locking eyes with Yuuri. The second he sees recognition dawn in Victor’s eyes he quickly finishes the flute of champagne and dashes across the room away from the cold interest of Victor’s gaze and into the comforting one of his best friend. Phichit smiles at Yuuri when she notices him, but ultimately continues her conversation. This is of no matter to Yuuri because soon he’s downing several more drinks because, damn, it should be illegal to look that good in a suit. To be fair, most people look nice in suits but Victor? Victor looks impossibly attractive in his dark navy suit with royal blue tie that accentuates his eyes just perfectly enough to make Yuuri’s face feel hot when he looks at him. Yuuri takes yet another drink from a passing waiter’s tray and makes the mistake of glancing back to where he last saw Victor. He sees that Victor is _much_ closer to him than before and still closing in. And like the grown ass man that he is, he lets out a squeak and once again sprints to the other side of the room. He needs time to prepare himself for talking to his idol, but Victor just won’t _cooperate._ Unfortunately for Yuuri, all the running has made him a bit warm. _Phichit probably won’t mind if I just take my jacket off for a little bit, right? It’s just so hot in here._

 

**_You’re spilling like overflowing sink_ **

 

There are very few things in life that Victor actually looks forward to these days. One of which was the Bergh Ball. Well. The ceremony part anyway. Victor generally likes throwing his money around but what he loves doing is helping (and petting) animals. The ball gives him an opportunity to do each of those two things and he has never wasted a chance to do it. In fact, he’s been the largest contributor for 3 years straight. After a while the party half of the ball just gets tiring. It never changes there’s always the same people year after year. If he could, Victor would just leave after the ceremony. However, rarely anything goes the way he wants it to anymore which led to him establishing the 75 rule. Basically, no matter how unpleasant of a social gathering he must stay there for at least 75 minutes. It’s just long enough not to be considered rude, but not short enough for Victor to escape without feeling like a broken record. _No, I’m not planning for a solo career. Yes, the band is doing very well. No, this isn’t my natural hair color._ It’s the same answers for the same questions from the same people. He’s just so tired of it all. Half the time he’s barely even there mentally. He’s just floating above his head watching as some other Victor is walking around smiling artfully here, laughing strategically there, but lately even the floating is exhausting.

Victor only moves from his ceremony table to face his fate when Yuri starts grouching about the lack of food in their stomach and the fact that they will literally die if they don’t eat something. As they head to the entrance to the ballroom, Victor feels as if every step is taking him to his doom. He begins mentally preparing himself for the onslaught of people pretending to care. For him to pretend to care.

As they enter the ballroom, Victor is immediately swarmed by fans and cameras while the rest of the band slinks off into the room to eat and drink their fill. After a few uncomfortable rounds of questions and pictures, Victor moves to leave the mob behind and keep an eye on Yuri. As he scans the crowd he spots a very attractive man with a very familiar face. They lock eyes and it’s a moment or two before Victor remembers. That’s the coffee shop guy Yuri yelled at. Victor makes the decision to go to the man and apologize for Yuri’s bad manners, but the next thing he knows the man does his best impression of a startled deer and begins fleeing towards someone who Victor, judging by the matching attire, can only assume is his date. Victor ignores the brief hint of insecurity that flits through his head at the sight of her beauty. He keeps his feet on the path to the man and his eyes focused on the back of his head as he watches him down several drinks back to back. The man then turns back to where Victor is heading in his direction and upon realizing that Victor is much, much closer than he thought, lets out a loud enough squeak that Victor can hear through the crowd and sprints away from him. At this point Victor doesn’t know whether to yell or to laugh at the fact he is basically playing Tag with a grown ass man at a high class event. The man is obviously upset that Victor is trying to talk to him. Victor can almost see that spilling off of the man in waves, it’s just that there’s something else there. But the mystery man just isn’t going to let Victor close enough to him to figure it out.

So Victor waits.

And waits.

Until finally, when the man has had way too much to drink, does he let Victor come close. Victor discovers two things in quick succession once Victor comes face to face with the man, the first is that the mystery man’s name is Yuuri; the second is that the man is much more attractive than previously anticipated. Yuuri, Victor finds, is more than worth all the waiting and chasing because when Victor finally gets the chance to speak to him between dances, he feels secure. They fit together in the best ways and the next thing Victor knows he’s spilling his guts to a man he’s just barely met. He’s telling Yuuri about feelings he didn’t even know he felt and it’s liberating. He feels like he’s finally come down to the Earth. He’s not watching some other Victor, he finally _is_ Victor. This was the first time in almost 2 years that he felt truly alive and before he even had the chance to notice, he was addicted.


	3. In which Victor makes several decisions, but only one of them is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long :((( it's nearing the end of the semester for me and I've been crazy busy. I'll try to keep up with my 3 day update schedule though
> 
> Anyway this one is a monster. I was going to split it into two chapters, but I couldn't really find a good place. This is also unbeta'd. I felt guilty about not updating sooner so..
> 
> There's some non-graphic descriptions of sexual stuff in here as well as the canon 6 month time skip.

**_You’re ripped at every edge, but you’re a masterpiece_ **

 

 

Victor is woken up for the sixth time that night by Sergio rustling around in his sheets. Now he’s not entirely sure how this thing between them even started. Actually that’s a bit of a lie. He knew _exactly_ how it started. Victor never could resist a man with a demanding tone and a strong grip on his hair. It’s when it started that he’s not too sure. Although it was probably about a month after the gala when he spent nearly every moment glued to his phone terrified of missing a text from the absolute beauty of a man he met at the party. He’s not entirely too sure why didn’t he didn’t just text himself from the man’s phone when he gave him his number, but for reasons unknown to anyone but Drunk Victor he decided not to. In hindsight, it is probably not fair to Sergio that the majority of the time they are together Victor is thinking of Yuuri. The worst part is that is nearly automatic. No matter how hard Victor tries, his brain always circles back to Yuuri.

The first night he invited Sergio into his bed, they were higher than hell and even through the haze in Victor’s head, all he thought about was Yuuri. What this would feel like if it were Yuuri’s fingers tugging on his hair, if it were Yuuri’s hands sliding over his skin making him shiver. What he would feel like if it were Yuuri’s lips on his, his tongue demanding entrance into his mouth? What would Yuuri’s teeth feel like on the sensitive skin of his neck?

When he woke the next morning, Victor knew he had a problem, but everyone knows that admitting you have an issue doesn’t automatically solve it. Plus, Victor is 86% sure that he doesn’t even want to fix it because what Sergio doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Besides, Victor is well aware that Sergio is using him too. After all, Victor is a fantastic lay so Sergio shouldn’t even have to complain anyway.

Sergio moves around in sleep once again. However, just as Victor is about to get out of bed for some water, Sergio rolls over in his sleep throwing a beautifully muscled arm around Victor’s slim waist and burrows his face in the junction between Victor’s neck and shoulder. Victor tenses immediately. He tries closing his eyes to relax, but he ends up imagining Yuuri in Sergio’s place. He finds comfort in his fantasy and ends up drifting back to sleep imagining his angel in his arms.

The next time he awakens it is much less pleasant. As he stirs he gets the feeling of being watched. He opens his eyes to find Yuri’s big green eyes inches from his own and he nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Jesus christ, dude! What are you doing in here?”

“Nothing.” Their response is so quiet Victor wouldn’t have caught it if he wasn’t so close to their face. Victor takes a closer look at Yuri’s face, and damn, they look rough. Their long hair doesn’t look brushed and there are dark circles underneath their red-rimmed eyes. “What’s wrong? Did you have another nightmare?”

They nod slowly in response. Victor’s heart hurts in his chest. Yuri’s been having nightmares since last February. It hurts him to know that he’s the cause of their pain, but he doesn’t know how to fix the damage he’s done. So he does what he knows best, he puts a band-aid on it and pushes it away. “Wanna get some breakfast and drown ourselves in sugar?”

The corner of Yuri’s mouth tugs slightly upwards, “Yeah, I guess. You better hurry up though, old man. It’s already 11.”

Victor squints at the old man accusation, but declines to dignify the comment with a response. Instead he decides to check the truth of Yuri’s statement by the alarm clock on his bedside table. As he turns, he notices the lack of Sergio but only feels marginally bad for not noticing his absence sooner. A glance at the clock reveals that Yuri was not in fact lying and it is actually 11:00. “Well, shit. We’d better get going. Let me shower first, and then we’ll head out.”

Thirty minutes later and they’re pulling into the parking lot. Victor’s hair is still wet as they walk through the door of Perk Up. Victor spent almost every morning here for month after the ball hoping to run into Yuuri again. He made the decision to stop being so pathetic around the time he started sleeping with his dealer. Which, to be honest, might actually be more pathetic. As he makes his way up to the front with Yuri in tow, the smaller man standing at the counter notices them and brightens up at the sight. “Hey Victor! It’s been awhile since you’ve come in. How are you?”

Yuri glances at him curiously, but Victor ignores their stare. “It’s been alright. I’ve just been super busy with rehearsals and writing new stuff.” _Or just sleeping with my dealer, generally being a loser. You know how it goes._

Guang Hong laughs, “Yeah I get that. Leo, I don’t know if you remember but that’s my husband, he does that all the time. Between his managing Fleur Cannon and doing his own music on the side, I feel like I haven’t seen him in weeks. Oh well, I knew he was like this when I married him so I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much. It makes him happy, and if he’s happy, I’m happy.” Guang Hong shakes the sappy smile off his face after a moment and immediately starts apologizing with a blush high on his cheeks, “Sorry! I didn’t mean to ramble. What can I get you two?”

After Yuri and Victor order, Yuri tells him that they have to run to the bathroom and to just wait at their normal table for them. With a shrug, Victor turns around beginning to walk to their corner table only to see the very man that has haunted Victor since April sitting innocently at his table like he did not in fact _ruin_ Victor’s life.

At first Victor was irrationally salty. How dare Yuuri just show back up in his life after he _just_ gave up hope? How dare he look so goddamn adorable with his messy hair and too big sweater? _Wait, what? Oh fuck. Come on Nikiforov, you’re better than this. Don’t fall back into the trap._ Victor is not in fact ‘better than this’ because as soon as he watches Yuuri push his hair back in frustration, he’s gone. Deceased. No one is allowed to look that good in a ratty sweater. It’s just _rude._

Victor has no idea how long he spent standing there watching Yuuri before he hears Yuri clear their throat behind him. Victor whips around in time to see Yuri share a look with someone standing next to them. For some reason all Victor could manage was, “Uh.”

“Nailed it, dude. Really. Victor, this is Phichit. He/him pronouns by the way. I met him in the hallway by the bathrooms.” Yuri looks smug as he continues, “that’s also his best friend you were staring at like a freak.”

Victor levels a slight glare at them. Phichit begins to speak before he can even put together a plausible excuse. “It’s nice to meet you in person! Yuri was telling me about your next concert at Austin City Limits. My band is performing there too. But we’re on the weekend after you guys.”

Victor stares at him the entire time he’s talking. He looks so familiar but for some reason Victor just cannot place where he’s seen him. He responds awkwardly at Phichit’s silence, “Ah, cool. What’s your band’s name again?”

It’s Yuri that replies instead. “It’s Fleur Cannon. Jesus fuck, Victor I only talked about them all the time last year.” At Victor’s blank look, they sigh and continue, “They’re the ones that did those performances with my favorite danseur?”

Phichit smiles a bright smile after Yuri’s last comment. He taps their shoulder, “Do you want to meet him?”

Yuri’s eyes go huge. “Fuck yeah, I want to meet him! You still kept in touch with him? Why did he stop dancing?”

Phichit laughs at their excitement. “Yes I do, we’re actually roommates. Also, maybe you should ask him that last question instead of me. He can probably explain it better anyway.”

“Okay, deal. Where is he? Can you call him?”

Phichit smiles saying, “No need he’s already here.” Phichit then proceeds to point at the man Victor is hopelessly attracted to.

Yuri’s excitement is tangible as he asks, “He kept his name out of the media but I have to know before I talk to him, what’s his name?”

They asked Phichit, but it’s Victor who answers. “Yuuri. His name is Yuuri.”

* * *

 

Victor isn’t quite sure what exactly he’s done in a past life to deserve this. He’s currently being led toward his doom, sandwiched between an excited Yuri and a giggly Phichit. The man of the hour is currently frowning at his laptop as he types briskly. He looks up at the sound of their approach. Recognition shows in his eyes, but he says nothing. Instead, he appears to get more and more nervous the closer they get to the table. He locks eyes with Victor and immediately and looks like he’s about to vomit. Victor has never had that effect on someone before so he chalks it up to the kind of nervousness one would get when they run into someone they were obviously not interested in and generally trying to avoid. Victor goes through a cycle of emotions as they approach the man. At first he feels a little guilty at the obvious distress his presence is causing the smaller man, but that guilt quickly fades when he remembers the distress that _Yuuri_ caused _him._ This Yuuri feels different from the one he remembers though. He’s nervous, fidgety even and for some god awful reason Victor finds himself feeling bad for him.

Somewhere in his internal rambling they’ve reached the table and introductions have been made along with apologies for bad manners. Yuuri’s last name, it turns out, is Katsuki. He watches Yuuri as Yuri interrogates him. He still looks nervous but he seems to have accepted their presence. Somehow Victor was assigned the seat next to Yuuri and every time Yuuri fidgets and shifts nearer to him, he gets a whiff of his sweet smelling shampoo and he wants to _die._ He’d give anything to pull Yuuri close and bury his face in the man’s soft looking hair. Victor is brought back to the conversation at the volume of Yuri’s voice.

“You gave up ballet for a bunch of germs?! Seriously?”

Yuuri looks mildly insulted. “Well they aren’t germs first off, they’re bacteria. Second, I didn’t exactly give up ballet. I was in a really bad car accident that shattered the entirety of my right leg, so I kinda had to change my perspective. Thankfully, I was already pursuing a degree in Microbiology or I probably wouldn’t have graduated on time.”

“Wait, so you were a professional danseur...but you were in college for science? Why weren’t you just a dance major?”

At this Phichit starts laughing. “You know my partner Seung gil?” Yuri nods. “Well, he also has a degree in microbiology, we actually met through Yuuri. I heard him singing once while we were studying and I pretty much forced him to join my band!”

Yuuri chuckles. “You didn’t _force_ him to do anything. I’m pretty sure that you could’ve asked him to dance around in a clown costume in front of the mayor and he would’ve jumped at the chance. You know you had that boy wrapped around your finger from day one.”

Victor feels a pang of sympathy for the man. If Yuuri wanted him to, he would gladly prance around in a clown suit on international television. Victor however, chooses not to voice that, instead choosing to ask, “Why microbiology?”

For a moment, Yuuri looks startled almost as if he forgot Victor was even there. To make up for the affront, he graces Victor with the sweetest of smiles before answering, “Well if ballet was my passion, then science was my love. I’ve always wanted to work for the CDC and now I get all the benefits of helping people by being a doctor just, you know, without the people part. Plus, a danseurs’ career is only so long. I’ve made my peace with it a long time ago.”

“That’s dope.” Yuri responds. There’s a beat of silence before everyone at the table, but Victor especially starts laughing. “What!” They growl in retort.

Victor is the first the stop laughing long enough to answer them, “It’s just I haven’t heard that phrase since I was a teenager.”

“And how long ago was that, old man?”

Victor squints in offense. “First of all, how dare you? After everything we’ve been through…” Victor bows his head while he feigns tears. What can he say? He’s always had a flair for the dramatic. Yuri rolls their eyes at him, well aware that he’s joking. But Yuuri looks at him with concern in his eyes. Victor looks up at him through his lashes putting on his cutest face, but as soon as he does, he’s trapped in Yuuri’s gaze. God, Victor would do anything to keep those eyes on him, but preferably in a different setting. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Yuuri’s hand move toward him. Yuuri’s hand lands in his hair at the exact thinnest part and freezes. He shields his face from Yuuri’s view as he asks, “Is it really getting that thin?”

He can hear the panic in Yuuri’s voice as he squeaks, “No, no, no! Everything’s okay!”

“I’m hurt. I don’t think I can recover from this.” Victor slouches so far down in his seat he’s almost on the floor.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please get up!” Yuuri waves his hands in the air a few times before deciding to rest them on Victor’s broad shoulders patting them in apology.

Yuri and Phichit watch as Yuuri keeps apologizing and Victor gets more and more pathetic. “Well, those two seem to get along fine.” Phichit comments.

Yuri rolls their eyes in response. “Of course they do. They were so annoying at the banquet.”

Phichit visibly perks up, “Yuuri was with Victor at the banquet? I couldn’t find him for _hours._ That jerk didn’t even tell me he met him!”

Yuri shrugs. “I don’t think he remembers. He was fucking wrecked by the time he even came over to us. Like he was so drunk he yelled at me, called me rude, and forced me into dance battle against him. But I don’t care what anyone says, I totally won that.”

“Dude, seriously? He yelled at you?” Phichit looks surprised. “Shhh, okay we have to be quiet. I need to know what happened before Yuuri finds out and buries it.”

Yuri nods and begins whispering violently at him. “Yes, he did! It was so fucking weird. But it just gets weirder and more uncomfortable from there though. Because after that he and Christophe found a pole fuck knows where and decided to have _another_ dance off on it. They were pouring champagne everywhere and I still wish I could just beach my damn eyeballs. I did _not_ want to see that. And I definitely did not want to watch my moron of a brother drool over him. It was disgusting!”

“Drool, how? Details, Yuri, I need details. I want more blackmail material. Do you have pictures?”

Yuri shrugs. “Uh, I know Victor does and I’m pretty sure Chris has some, but they might only be of himself or Yuuri’s ass. You never really know with him.”

“Did anything else happen? You cannot leave _anything_ out. Please, it’s beyond important that this information gets into the wrong hands. Specifically, mine.”

“If you want to blackmail, then I want in. I deserve revenge for being forced to see that shit.” Yuri waits for Phichit to agree before continuing. “Alright so next, Victor helped him into his clothes again, thank fuck, because I was so tired of all the fucking nudity. Like Jesus christ guys, this is a _formal_ event. Anyways he apparently wasn’t done fighting people so he demands a dance off with Victor too. And dude, are you ready for this because this is blackmail _gold.”_ At Phichit’s excited nod they continue, “He deadass looked Victor in the eyes and tells him: ‘Just because you’re hot doesn’t mean I’ll go easy on you.’ I’ve never seen my brother that embarrassed in my whole life and I _lived_ for it. At least until things got _really_ gay and after that it was just weird. Yuuri can fucking tango though.”

“Oh my god. This is beautiful. I cannot live.” Phichit dramatically pauses then asks, “What next?”

“I don’t know. They fucking ran off like a couple of kids on the playground. I couldn’t find them again until it was time to leave. Me and Christophe had to fucking pry Victor off of him so we could leave. Victor seemed very pleased with himself when we left though so I guess something nice happened.”

“Wait so you really left this drunken guy on the frickin street?!” For the first time Phichit actually looks mad.

Yuri shrugs. “Nah, Otabek took him inside and sat him down at a table with some old lady.”

Phichit visibly relaxes. “Okay, good. That’s where I found him.”

They feel eyes on them so they stop whispering and look up to see both Yuuri and Victor watching them. Yuuri, with slight confusion and Victor, with suspicion. The latter speaks up, “What were you two whispering about?”

“Nothing!” Yuri and Phichit answer in unison. Victor squints, but Yuuri laughs. They’re interrupted by Phichit’s phone ringing.

“Oh, it’s Seung gil. I better get this!” He answers the phone as he leaves.

Yuuri watches Yuri for a moment before asking them if they had any more questions about his life.

Yuri nods and launches into an interrogation the CIA would be proud of. Victor sits back and watches the two of them. Maybe it’s Yuuri’s quiet, unassuming nature that’s causing it, but Yuri seems so open and comfortable right now. They looked more relaxed than Victor has seen them since that February. He begins to get a little jealous of Yuuri. Yuri is never that calm around him anymore. They’re always watching him with serious eyes. Gone is the small, innocent kid that Victor met at that halfway house in Moscow. There’s no hint of the sweet smiles Yuri would send him as they made dinners and watched movies in St. Petersburg when Victor _finally_ got guardianship of them. But here with Yuuri, Victor catches glimpses of the Yura he used to know. At first he’s jealous, hurt even, but the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that maybe Yuuri is good for the both of them. He makes a decision.

Victor speaks up at the next lull in conversation. “Hey, Yuuri?”

They both glance over at him and after a moment, Yuuri laughs before announcing that Yuri should henceforth be called Yurio so as to avoid this confusion again.

“What?!”

Victor smiles, “Good for you Yurio you’re officially on a nickname basis with your idol!”

“Shut up! That’s not my name!”

Victor just laughs. “As I was saying, Yuuri, we should hang out together like this again! It’s been fun and lord knows Yurio needs more friends.”

Yurio looks at him angrily, “ _I_ need more friends? I at least have Mila, all you have is Sergio and you’re _fucking_ him!”

There’s an awkward silence after Yuri’s outburst. Victor looks at them with hurt in his eyes. He’s not sure where he stands with this new, angry Yuri. Last year he could’ve made that joke and only received a glare and a soft shove. Now, he gets barely restrained hostility. If he’s honest, it makes him want to curl up and cry for a while mourning the loss of trust in their sibling relationship. But he can’t bring himself to give up yet. He’ll get his little Yura back; he just needs to think of a strategy.

And so, their weekly breakfast routine with Yuuri, Phichit, and occasionally Seung gil begins. It’s been several months and it’s nearly Christmas when it happens.

Victor is currently sitting at their weekly meeting table sans Yurio. The latter having decided that 10am was ‘too early to even be human’. Victor's hoping that he’s made enough progress within the group that it won’t be awkward without Yurio.

He’s been sitting alone for nearly 20 minutes before he gets a text from Phichit cancelling on their plans saying that Leo wants her and Seung gil to be at rehearsal early that day and that they won’t be making it. He’s more than okay for it to just be him and Yuuri, in fact, he’s excited at the idea of having an almost date with the man. He enjoys spending time with Yuuri. He likes the calm aura and the low pressure atmosphere the other brings with him. When he’s with Yuuri, he can _breathe._ There are no expectations and there’s no pressure for Victor to be perfect. That isn’t to say that he doesn’t _try_ because lord knows, he tries. It’s just that around Yuuri he doesn’t have to be.

Victor is pulled from his thoughts by the chime of his phone. He unlocks his phone and glances down at the message. As he reads it, he feels his heart drop into his stomach. He types out a slow response.

**[Yuuri <3] 10:26am**

Hey, I’m sorry it’s such late notice, but I got caught up at the labs. The intern dropped a Petri dish of one of the more dangerous specimens that we have and I’m trying to do damage control. m(_ _)m  (⋟﹏⋞)

**[you] 10:28am**

Ah, no worries! Now I have time to shop :) I hope the clean up goes well and make sure to be careful!!

Victor spends a few minutes staring at his now cold coffee. He makes a decision. He gets up and leaves the cafe sending a quick text as he does. He spares a quick glance in the window of the shop before starting off down the familiar path to The Cakery. It’s only a ten minute walk but the whole time he is walking, his mood is slipping farther and farther down into the abyss of his mind. It’s obvious to him now, that they were only really friends with Yuri. That’s fine. He loves them too. They’re easily the best thing that this life has ever given him. Underneath their rough exterior they are sweet, fierce, and loyal. He gets it, he really does, it’s just that it _hurts._ He has always known that he wasn’t all that great to be around. Hell, he’s awful. He’s clingy and annoying. He’s loud and he drinks too much. He’s a fucking awful person. He has to do a shit-ton of coke just to feel normal. He wouldn’t really want to be around him either.

Before he knows it, he’s standing outside the alley entrance in front of the door that when opened, will provide him with the sweet release he so desperately needs. He raises a fist to the door and knocks lightly. After a moment of rustling, Sergio steps out into the alley an easy smile on his tan face.

“Hola, mi angelito. Where have you been? I’ve missed you.” Sergio leans against the brick wall with a smirk on his handsome face. He looks at Victor with undisguised want and Victor is weak to it. He knows damn well that Sergio doesn’t miss him the way Victor wants, but he can’t find it in himself to care. Besides, sex is the easiest way to feel close to someone and Victor really fucking needs that right now. So he plays along.

“I’ve been busy, but if you’ve missed me that much then we’d better remedy that.” Victor steps closer to him with every word, his voice getting lower, deeper with each step.

Sergio looks him up and down with an appreciative hum, then faster than he has time to blink, Victor’s back is against the wall. Sergio has him caged in his arms, his breath ghosting the side of Victor’s neck. He bites the soft flesh causing Victor to shiver as he whispers, “Yeah, let’s go fix that.”

Then as fast as he came, he’s gone already walking toward his car. He turns back to Victor with an expectant look. Victor quickly scurries after him with the promise of a little comfort in his near future.

* * *

 

By the time they make it to Victor’s apartment they’re both about 4 lines in and riding a very nice high. Victor’s hand is shaking in anticipation as he tries and fails to get his key in the lock, while a very handsome Spaniard is making it his mission to grab Victor in his favorite places. When the damn door finally opens, Sergio grabs him by the hips lifting him off his feet and begins to carry him to his bedroom. They end up crashing onto the couch instead, and Sergio decides that he’s tired of waiting. He kisses Victor hard pulling him close. Victor shifts around grabbing moving one of Makkachin’s toys out from underneath his back. Sergio grabs a handful of his hair and tugs, causing Victor to moan loudly. Through his hazy mind he realizes that Yuri might not have actually left the apartment and Victor _really_ doesn’t want to worry about them coming in while he’s having sex.

Sergio either doesn’t remember Yuri or just doesn’t care because soon he has his hands underneath Victor’s shirt and sliding down his stomach feeling the muscles flex as he moves. His fingers slide beneath Victor’s waistband and suddenly Victor can barely even think straight. But he tries for Yuri’s sake.

Victor grabs Sergio’s hand effectively stopping him in his quest to undo Victor’s jeans and have him right there on the couch for anyone to see. “Sergio. Papí. Let’s not do this on the couch. Yuri could come in any minute.”

Sergio’s grip on Victor’s hip tightens at the pet name, but he ultimately pulls himself up. The second that Victor is standing as well, he once again lifts him off his feet. Victor wraps his long legs around Sergio’s waist and grinds down hard. Sergio groans in his ear and Victor is pleased, Sergio was always a quiet lover and Victor loves to make him lose that control. They stumble into the bedroom, but through the haze in his head Victor doesn’t hear the gasp that sounds from the room behind them just before the door closes.


	4. In Which Victor's Secret is Revealed and a Party is Thrown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I've taken so long to update. I finally finished the semester though so my time will now be dedicated to finishing this fic :)  
> This is also unbeta'd bc I didn't want to make you guys wait any later. So if you see any glaring errors let me know and I'll fix it.   
> Sorry again

**_And now I’m tearing through the pages and the ink_ **

 

Yuuri loves birthdays. He hates most parties, but there’s a certain magic about birthdays. Everyone is happy, there’s not a lot of pressure to socialize or drink because they’re about making the birthday person feel special and appreciated. They’re about celebrating someone’s existence in this world and your life and Yuuri can definitely get behind that.

Presently, Yuuri is just leaving the lab and is finally on his way to the weekly breakfast with his newfound family. He’s looked forward to spending time with Victor and Yurio. They’re both drastically different from how the media has led him to believe. Yurio is less of a punk and more of a sassy sweetheart. They might not be the nicest or politest person Yuuri’s ever met but they are definitely the most loyal. Victor is a bit more confusing for Yuuri. Despite the media painting him as a player and irresistibly attractive, Victor is actually a huge dork. He’s definitely still attractive though. God what Yuuri wouldn’t do to have those long legs wrapped tight around his waist while-

A chime shakes Yuuri out of his fantasy. He flushes red having felt like he’s been caught as another chime rings out from his laptop bag. Thankfully, he’s already at the diner because he’s already 20 minutes late for this breakfast. He checks his phone before exiting the car only to find a text from Yurio in place of the chastising one he expected from Phichit. Yurio has demanded that he cancel on their weekly breakfast plans so that he can help them plan an early birthday party for Victor later that day. At first he’s confused. _Why didn’t Yurio plan this ahead of time? Birthdays take time to make special. Did they just forget?_ He upon asking Yurio, he received a very embarrassed text in response.

**[Yurio (^** **ㅇ ㅅㅇ** **^)] 10:22 am**

**Look dude. I thought I had this, but planning it was a little harder than I thought. Just hurry up and cancel. Phichit is suggesting weird shit and I need help telling her no because Seung gil is fucking useless in that department**

Yuuri laughs a bit. He thinks that is absolutely adorable, but in the interest of self preservation, he declines to tell them that. Instead he sends Yurio a text agreeing to help. He spends the next few minutes picking his phone up and putting it down while he attempts to think of a good excuse to tell Victor. His phone starts buzzing with excited texts from Phichit and he laughs again at her antics. Finally he settles on blaming an intern. After receiving an awkward response from Victor he starts his car and pulls out of the parking lot already planning a trip to the party store and listing all the things they need to buy to make this the best birthday ever.

* * *

 

When he finally knocks on the door to Yurio and Victor’s apartment he’s nearly shaking with excitement. He already has an idea of what they should do, it’s very relaxed and everyone should end up having fun.

Yurio answers the door with a slam looking very frazzled. Their hair is falling out of the bun it was previously contained in and they look like they’re about to scream. Yuuri chuckles but barely has time to greet them before he’s being dragging into the apartment and upstairs to Yurio’s room. Before they enter Yurio turns to him and says, “You have to stop her. She won’t listen to any of us. She’s demanding that the party be ice skating themed and yelling something about a king. We don’t know _anything_ about ice skating and she almost got Chris to agree. I need backup, man.”

Yuuri chuckles, “Yeah that sounds like her. Don’t worry though she’ll like my plan enough to settle down.”

Yurio looks skeptical but declines an answer because they can hear Phichit _through_ the door talking excitedly at Chris about the many reasons why the King and the Skater is a perfect theme for this occasion as well as a cinematic masterpiece. When they open the door they see Phichit standing on the bed mouth open in mid shout her and Chris sitting across from her in a chair with a look of almost agreement on his face, while Seung gil is looking out the window like he wants to make a jump for it.

Phichit ceases the tirade when she sees Yuuri enter the room. “Look guys, Yuuri will agree with me. It should be ice skating themed with hints of the movie thrown in.”

Yuuri smiles at her and gently says, “While I don’t disagree with you about the cinematic value of the movie especially to Thailand. We have to remember that Victor might not even like figure skating. What if he’s never seen the movie? You don’t want to scare the man away from his own party.”

After a moment Phichit sighs and flops face down on the bed mumbling, “Nobody was thinking of anything and I’m low key stressed because we only have a few hours and we really need to think of something.”

“I have an idea.” Three pairs of eyes swivel towards him and for a moment Yuuri feels very uncomfortable. He brushes it off. “What if we sing karaoke and play some games? Victor told me a while ago about how much he misses playing games with Yurio and the band so I just thought that maybe it’ll be fun. Plus we all know he loves to sing off key.” Yuuri trails off as he approaches the end of his sentence. What if they think it’s dumb? God, now _he_ thinks it’s a bad idea. Why would Victor even want to sing karaoke when he sings for a living? Maybe he should just take it back...

A deep voice purring in his ear and a light slap on the butt startles him from his thoughts. “That’s a great idea, Yuuri.” He hears a chuckle from behind him as Chris laughs and moves away from him giving him time to recover from the, honestly not too surprising, grope. Yuuri is not sure why but since the first time he met Chris the blond was always touching him like that. At first he thought he was like this with everyone, but when he introduced Phichit and Seung gil to him, he didn’t even try to touch them. Maybe it’s because they are in a relationship?

“-color scheme for the decorations? We have light blue plates and some bright ass pink and blue streamers in the attic.” Yurio looks relieved now that the threat of a movie themed party for his almost 28 year old brother has passed.

“Well, blue and pink make purple. So, maybe we could buy some purple streamers and all three colors of balloons to make it flow a little better?” Phichit pipes up from her spot on the bed.

Yuuri nods excitedly, “Perfect! We should probably get one group started on setting up the streamers and table, while the other group could go out and get the balloons and purple streamers.”

Phichit pops up from her pity pile with a chirp of excitement. “Me, Seung gil, and Chris can go get the streamers and balloons!!” She starts pulling her boyfriend up from his seat while Chris walks to the door. They leave in a flurry of excited noises and Seung gil’s distressed groans.

Yurio turns to Yuuri with their face angled toward the floor. “Uh, thanks I guess, for helping me out and stuff. I really wanted to do something for Victor’s birthday but I couldn’t really do it alone so, yeah. Thanks.”

Yuuri can see the blush staining their cheeks as they stumble through the statement. “No problem, Yurio. That’s what friends do. Speaking of _friends_ where’s Otabek?”

Yurio narrows their eyes at his emphasis of the word and turns around striding towards the door as they answer, “He’s in the attic looking for the rest of the party supplies. I’m about to go up there and help him. Because now we have another thing to find. I’m pretty sure that because my brother is a freak, we actually have a real karaoke machine from like the fucking 90s.”

Yuuri giggles as he follows them to the door, “Okay. Are the streamers still up there?”

“Nah, I grabbed them earlier they should be by the desk in my room.”

Yurio walks out the door and a little farther up the hallway to where Yuuri now sees the ladder to the attic. As they climb up Yuuri shouts, “Be careful up there kids, use protection.”

Yurio blushes bright red turning from their position in a whirl of blond hair. “Jesus fucking christ man. It’s not like that between us. Also I’m not a fucking kid, I’m 21” They glare at Yuuri threateningly, like they’re waiting for him to stop laughing and realize his mistake.

Yuuri just laughs harder and says, “Alright, Yurio, whatever you say.”

At his comment Yurio turns back and continues up the ladder. Yuuri on the other hand goes back into Yurio’s room to look for the streamers and spots them in little bag on the floor. He leaves Yurio’s room and begins to descend the stairs. By the time he reaches the bottom he’s already thinking about where they should place the streamers for maximum party effect. He goes into the kitchen searching for some tape and scissors when he hears some rather odd noises. After he realizes exactly what kind of noises they are he giggles a bit to himself thinking that he was right about Yurio and Otabek. He leaves the kitchen with the intent of hollering up the stairs at the two lovebirds, but as soon as he enters the common area he discovers that the voices are much closer than the attic and a lot deeper than Yurio’s or Otabek’s. Yuuri tinges pink. He doesn’t want to know who is there but he feels like he has to find out because all of their friends are gone and he really does not want to deal with two complete strangers getting it on his friend’s couch.

He steels his nerves as he turns to the living room. He immediately feels like someone dumped ice in his veins. He sees Victor and some guy practically wrapped around each other, but he can barely process what is happening. There’s a sharp pang of jealousy, Victor is clearly into this guy and Yuuri wishes that he couldn’t hear the sounds leaving the man’s mouth. He wishes he couldn’t see the way Victor’s slender legs squeezed around that guy. But most importantly he wishes that he didn’t want to be the man doing those things with Victor. He’d love to be the one that makes Victor cry out in pleasure. He’d kill to have those beautiful thighs wrapped around _his_ waist.

But he isn’t that guy and the reminder makes him mad. He’s frozen with his thoughts, trapped by his jealousy, but it’s not until he watches the tan man kick open Victor’s bedroom door that he gets a good look at Victor’s face. Yuuri gasps, Victor’s eyes look glassy and bloodshot. He looks _absent._ The sound of Victor’s door shutting immediately shakes Yuuri from his earlier thoughts. He’s scared for Victor, but what should he do? Should he tell someone? The only people here are Yurio and Otabek and he doubts Yurio wants to hear that about their brother. But what if something is really wrong? Victor looks like he was drugged, hell, he _might’ve_ been drugged. The thought of that happening to Victor has Yuuri sprinting up the stairs and up the ladder to the attic in record time.

He startles both Yurio and Otabek when he bursts through the door. He tries to explain what he saw but the words end up caught in his throat. How is he supposed to explain what happened when he doesn't even know what happened? Instead, he settles for a whispered, “Victor is here.”

“Fuck,” Yurio looks at him thoughtfully before continuing, “We can finish the decorating if you go and entertain him in his room. He’ll be so excited that you guys are gonna hang out that he won’t even think to check the living room.”

Yuuri flushes. “I, uh, don’t really think idea if I do that.”

Yurio scoffs at him in irritation, “Are you serious? Why? He can’t find out about his birthday stuff until it’s time.”

“He brought some guy with him.” Yuuri tastes bile in the back of his mouth as he forces himself to say the words. “He looked really weird though, and I thought for a second that he might’ve been drugged. Which is why I ran up here so... God I’m sorry you probably didn’t even want to know-” Yuuri trails off as he watches Yurio’s face fly through a series of emotions starting with understanding which crumbled into grief before finally settling into betrayal. They turn to Otabek for an unspoken conversation _._

After a moment Otabek nods and turns away to finish digging through a box while Yurio spins to face Yuuri. They school their expression into one of indifference. “He’s fine. But I can finish up down there if you want, he won’t be leaving that room for a while.”

Yuuri is torn between accepting their offer for the sake of his feelings and protecting them from seeing their brother in such a way. After a vicious internal battle he decides to sacrifice his own feelings for their comfort. “Ah, no. I can just finish up down there. You’re sure that he won’t come out of there?”

Yurio snorts, “Yeah the asshole is going to be busy for the next few hours.”

Yuuri is surprised by the insult. He’s never heard Yurio say something like that to or about Victor. They’ve called him dumb and old and a moron but those never seemed as hostile as they feel now. Yuuri begins to wonder about why they’re so angry at him but instead of prying, Yuuri settles for nodding his head and leaving Yurio to Otabek’s care.

* * *

 

Yurio and Otabek have found and set up the karaoke machine as well as set the table and Yuuri is nearly finished with the living room decorations when Phichit, Seung gil and Chris finally return with what seems like a thousand balloons.

“We’re back~” Phichit and Chris sing out in unison. Yuuri isn’t sure when exactly it happened but Phichit and Chris became fast friends in the few months since their groups have starting hanging out. And while it’s not necessarily a bad thing, it is definitely a handful when they get into things. This time though, it was a good idea to let them plan their shenanigan because when questioned about the ridiculous number of balloons they announced that they were going to launch them over the top of the stairs when Victor comes into the room.

The commotion of getting things ready, made Yuuri forget what was happening in the next room. It wasn’t long before they realized that they forgot to buy ice cream for tonight. Yurio and Otabek decide to pick that up while Phichit and Yuuri bake the cupcakes. It’s up to Seung gil and Chris go upstairs and build a party playlist using Yurio’s Spotify.

Yuuri soon discovers that Phichit is not very good at frosting cupcakes. He glanced over in passing only to have his eye’s assaulted by the pile of frosting on the poor cupcake in Phichit’s hand. In an effort to salvage half the cakes he gently suggests that she help finish the playlist.

Unfortunately for Yuuri, the universe likes to remind him of the negative things in his life. Just as he’s finishing the last cupcake the door to Victor’s room opens and the man from earlier walks out. He’s about the same height as Yuuri, but he has tan skin with short dark hair and hazel brown eyes. He’s talking to someone on the phone in another language as he’s buttoning up his shirt and fixing his hair. Yuuri can see why Victor would be attracted to the man. He is well-built and obviously strong if he can carry a grown man across the room. The more Yuuri watches the man, the more he can see how blatantly better than him this man is. It hurts him to think about, but he has to recognize the facts.

The man walks to the front door and barely has time to jump out of the way when the door flies open revealing Yurio on the other side. Yuuri can feel the tension in the room rise as they watch each other carefully. It’s Yurio who breaks the silence first with a gruff “Sergio.”

The man, Sergio, watches Yurio for a moment before breaking out a tense smile. “Yuri, it’s been awhile.”

Yurio pushes past him with Otabek in tow and a mumbled, “Not long enough.”

Sergio doesn’t even look phased at Yurio’s rudeness. Instead he laughs and shouts over his shoulder as he leaves, “Tell your brother something came up and I’ll be back again later.”

That finally seems to set them off. Yurio whirls around and kicks the door shut with an unintelligible shout. Otabek back over to where Yurio stands unmoving. He gently turns them around to face him placing an arm around their waist and using his other hand to guide their head to his shoulder.  Yuuri makes it a point to ask about why Yurio has been weird about Sergio. He waits until the two of them have separated before going up to Yurio. “What was that about?”

Yurio tenses but doesn’t respond. Yuuri gently touches their shoulder looking them in eye as he asks again, “Yuri, I’m worried about you and your brother, what is going on? You know you can tell me anything.”

Yurio is silent for so long that Yuuri almost doesn’t think they’re going to answer. Eventually they say, “You should just ask Victor. He has to be the one to tell you.”

Yuuri just nods. “Okay, do you need a hug? Are you alright?”

Yurio rolls their eyes. “I’m fine. I don’t need your hugs. We gotta get the other idiots down here to start the party. You go get Victor.”

Yuuri looks at them for a moment before sighing his assent. He walks toward Victor’s room but stops at the door. He’s been to their apartment many times over the last few months, but he’s never been inside Victor’s room. He doesn’t really know why but the thought of it terrifies him. He needs to quit being a baby and just knock on the door. He finds his resolve and knocks on the door.

It’s quiet for a moment before he hears the rustling of bed sheets and a muffled, “Wha…” coming from the room. He takes that as his permission to enter. His eyes are immediately glued to the bed. What greets him is a sight he both wishes he can burn into his memory forever and one that he desperately wishes he didn’t see. Victor is sitting up on his bed rubbing his eyes with the sheets pooled low on his hips. Yuuri can see that Victor is very clearly naked. At that recognition Yuuri flushes pink and spins around to face the wall stuttering out a, “Oh! S-sorry. Can you please get d-dressed? I have to a-ask you something.”

Yuuri hears a deep chuckle from behind him and after a moment there’s a rustle of clothing. When the rustling stops he hears Victor’s smooth voice call out, “its safe now, you can turn around.”

He does. Victor is sitting on the bed definitely wearing more clothes but by no means is he dressed. He’s wearing a loose v-neck shirt and black boxer briefs. Somehow that sight makes Yuuri even more nervous than he was when Victor was naked. At least then if he blushed and averted his eyes it was normal, but now Victor might catch on to Yuuri’s feelings if he’s not careful. Victor pats the spot next to him on the bed and Yuuri gulps. He can do this. Yuuri studiously keeps his eyes trained on Victor’s beautiful blue eyes as he sits and asks, “Um, this might be a little sudden but Yurio is upset and I’m worried. Why doesn’t Yurio like Sergio?”

Victor freezes as soon as the name leaves his lips. Yuuri can see Victor thinking, weighing his options. That only serves to make him more anxious. Why would Victor need to do that? Yuuri has a bad feeling about Sergio it’s one mixed with apprehension and a little bit of jealousy but ultimately its fear for his friends. Why is this man such a negative presence to Yurio?

Finally, Victor makes his decision. He’s wringing his hands together as he speaks, voice still rough from sleep or god knows what else. “What did Yuri tell you already?”

“They haven’t told me anything. They said that I had to ask you and that it had to be you that told me.”

Victor shakes his head, a sardonic smile on his face. “Yeah, I thought you’d say that. The problem is that I don’t really know where to start. It’s a shitty story with a worse ending.”

Yuuri places a hand over Victor’s. “Hey, I’m here for you. You can tell me anything you want, I just want to make sure that you’re okay.”

Victor is staring down at their hands. Yuuri watches as he takes a deep breath turning his palm over and intertwining their fingers. “Okay. You deserve to know. It’s just not a part of myself I particularly like. I’d rather you not know, but you’ve already seen it.”

Yuuri gives his hand a light squeeze but says nothing. Victor squeezes back before starting his story. “I met Sergio in a club at the beginning of this year. I was going through a bit of a rough patch and I saw my opportunity to escape. Sergio deals...cocaine out of a bakery on 19th and after the third time we, uh, hung out, he offered for me to try it. I know I shouldn’t have done it but like I said I was in a _really_ bad place. So I agreed and I like the way it makes me feel. For just a little while nothing can touch me. I don’t have to be Victor Nikiforov, I can just be me. It sounds selfish but I like it too much to stop. Yura hates him because he showed it to me and I almost died from an overdose. Like, I get where they’re coming from but I can’t deal with everything on my own.” Victor trails off.

Yuuri is shocked. He doesn’t know exactly what he was expecting but it definitely wasn’t that. _Victor must feel so alone._ Yuuri needs to show him that he can lean on someone. That he doesn’t have to be alone. Yuuri can sacrifice his feelings to help Victor. He’d do anything for him, this is just the least he can do. “You don’t have to be alone, Victor. I can be here for you, but you can’t keep doing the drugs. It’s hurting both you and Yuri. You can do so much better for yourself. I’ll be here for you no matter what. You can call me whenever you need me, even if it’s the middle of the night. I can help you, if you want me to.” Yuuri stops when he runs out of steam, but he doesn’t dare look away from Victor’s face. He _has_ to know that Yuuri is serious. Victor means so much to him and he refuses to watch him crash.

Victor’s looks surprised at Yuuri’s reaction. After a second the surprise melts into a small smile. “Okay, I can do that.”

They talk for a while longer about Sergio, Victor’s addiction, and Yurio. Victor told him about how he was in a halfway house in Moscow since he was eight years old. Apparently, he was a difficult child and ended up bouncing from place to place for 3 years before they gave up and stuck him in that house under the care of a gruff old man named Yakov. He was there four years before he met Yuri. They met when Victor found the tiny six year old child cowering from bullies under his bed during lunch hour. After that Victor made it his duty to watch out for them. They were practically inseparable until Victor aged out of the system leaving Yuri alone.

Victor told him about how he spent the next two years basically living on nothing to save up enough money to take Yuri out of there. Officially Yuri was never adopted, they might even still be listed as a runaway because after Victor found a place far enough away not to get caught, he came back for Yuri and took him to the small St. Petersburg apartment they would call home for the next two years. Victor told him about how they met Christophe and Otabek and how they decided to form a band. He told him about how they got discovered and how they ended here in New York.

They talked about Victor’s life. They talked about everything. Yuuri feels like Victor’s story is a series of paintings and drawings that he’s tearing through at the speed of light. He looks at Victor as a glass sculpture, beautiful and fragile but strong. Victor is worn at the all his edges but he’s beautiful.

Eventually Yuuri gets a text asking him what’s taking so long. He grabs Victor’s hand and pulls him to the door telling him that he’s thirsty and that they can talk in the kitchen. They open his door and a shower of balloons falls from the second floor balcony. Victor looks terribly surprised for a split second before his face morphs into the sweetest smile Yuuri has ever seen as he reads the happy birthday banner strewn across the balcony. For a moment Yuuri just stares at his face committing it to memory, but soon enough Victor looks over at him grabbing his hand and pulling him into the fray to start the party.


	5. In Which a Stronger Bond Forms and Something Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all. I am so sorry this took literal months. I was going through a pretty hardcore depressive episode along with moving and a ton of other things. This chapter is both pretty short and barely edited, but I hope its worth it. Once again, I'm sorry I'm such a monster

**_Everything is blue_ **

For a while after Yuuri found out about his little problem Victor was relieved. He finally felt like he could stop. That maybe Yuuri’s support and offer to help was enough for him to pull himself together and get out of that gutter.

However, soon that relief faded into revulsion at himself and his weakness. Now thanks to his big mouth, Yuuri probably only sees him as a burden, a charity case. All because Victor couldn’t keep his shit together and stop being so weak, Yuuri would never want to be with him. He’s a fucking drug addict, literally no one except other addicts would want to even be around him. And so he falls right back into his habit. Sometimes he’ll go weeks between bumps and sometimes he’ll go hours. It’s a difficult pill to swallow but he has to accept that sometimes he just needs to leave reality behind.

Day by day Victor’s skies grow colder fading from the beautiful cerulean of a spring day to the sickly slate of a fog covered street. Not every day is like that though despite Victor’s best efforts not to think about it, Yuuri brings light and hope with him when they meet. After a few months, Victor got used to his days resembling a kaleidoscope of blues. They spent nearly every day talking to each other be it in person or on the phone. After a while Yuuri became more than just the guy Victor wanted to have, he was more than just a shoulder to lean on. He became Victor’s rock, an ever-present fixture in his hellish life making every day just a little easier.

Eventually they started hanging out and talking more outside of Victor having a crisis. They started watching movies, getting lunch together, just spending little pieces of time with only each other for company. Victor would gladly spent every day cuddled on his or Yuuri’s bed watching shows on their laptop. He would kill to spend the rest of his life making dinner with Yuuri and occasionally Yurio. They fit together so well that Victor sometimes forgets that there was a time before Yuuri. There was a time before he found this tentative happiness in his life. 

There was a time when even Victor’s greyest days couldn’t compete with the darkest midnight in his mind. While he is happy that time is over, those days aren’t entirely gone. They still happen, usually when Victor can’t control the feelings he harbors for the scientist. It’s those days that Victor is reminded of how worthless he is. Yuuri could never feel the same way. Victor may be a rockstar but he’s tainted both physically and mentally. Yuuri doesn’t deserve the burden of being with someone like him. He’s too good, too clean, to love someone as disgusting as Victor. 

Unfortunately even though he recognizes  the impossibility of it happening, Victor still hopes, he still dreams that Yuuri might love him too. Some days, especially on his brightest days, he can trick himself into believing it. He can almost make himself believe that Yuuri shifts closer to him when he drapes his arm over his shoulders while they watch TV. He can almost trick himself into thinking that Yuuri hugs him just a little tighter, just a little bit longer when he leaves for the night.

It’s on those days that Victor is almost brave enough to look into those big brown eyes and tell him how he feels about him. He’s almost brave enough to cup Yuuri’s chin as he leans in for an embrace. Almost brave enough to tilt Yuuri’s face up just enough to slot their lips together when Yuuri turns to ask him a question. The end of those days hurt the worst. Like his kaleidoscope of blue is shattered leaving nothing but broken remnants of inky blue glass and cheap plastic on the floor of his psyche.

Today is one of those days. Victor is leaning up against his headboard with an arm slung over Yuuri’s shoulders while the smaller man tortures him by laying his head on Victor’s chest just close enough to his face that Victor gets a whiff Yuuri’s sweet smelling shampoo every time that he shifts. They’ve just started the fourth episode of the night when Victor’s arm starts to get tired. Victor is feeling pretty courageous tonight as he slowly slides his arm down Yuuri’s side to rest at his waist. Victor feels him stiffen against him and for a moment he considers making a scene about how much effort it is too hold his arm up when Yuuri settles  _ further  _ into his lap tossing a leg over Victor’s to get more comfortable as he shifts just that much closer to the silver-haired man. Victor feels like he’s dreaming. If this is a dream, he hopes he never wakes up.

As the night goes on they shift closer together and farther down the headboard before they finally end up laying down with Yuuri’s head on Victor’s chest their arms wrapped around each other. Victor is convinced he’s already dead and he tricked St. Peter into letting him go to through the gates because there’s no way this isn’t heaven. He’s never felt this comfortable with any of his partners. To be fair though, he’s never really  _ cared  _ about his previous partners. But Yuuri is different. He’s beautiful, he’s intelligent, he’s pure and Victor just cannot risk tainting him. Yuuri is too good for Victor and no matter how much Victor may love him he cannot have him the way he wants to. So all he can do is enjoy the time he’s allowed to spend with the angel because he knows it’s limited.

Victor shakes his head trying to pull himself back to the present. He needs to enjoy this this closeness while he can because soon Yuuri will realize that Victor is just too much. He isn’t worth the hassle, not worth the time or the stress. It’s Yuuri that yanks Victor from his thoughts when he shifts against him in his sleep, letting out a soft sigh as he buries his face in Victor’s neck, his arms tightening around his waist as if he can sense Victor’s thoughts. 

Victor freezes. He can feel Yuuri’s lips on his neck, breath hot in his ear and his brain sputters to a stop while his heart races in his chest. After a moment, Victor tightens his arms around Yuuri’s waist drawing a sweet sigh from the smaller man’s lips. Victor gently leans his head down to nuzzle Yuuri’s hair. He closes his eyes breathing in Yuuri’s scent and relaxes almost instantly. Victor’s eyes grow heavy and soon he falls asleep peacefully that night with a warm weight on his chest and his heart in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work be gentle pls


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